Oh What A Night!

I'm just coming off physically battling the raccoon, man versus beast, for the last hour and a half.
Background information- A raccoon has been living in the attic of my house for the past month and a half. It entered through the roof and subsequently clawed a hole into my roommate's walk-in closet. Pete, our handyman, patched the first hole, but the raccoon created a second hole and rummaged through the garbage. Refer to the wood chipper description in an earlier entry. Since then, a cage trap has been installed and we have barricaded my roommate's closet door with an air conditioner to ensure that even if the raccoon enters the closet, it cannot enter the house. Every night, we have heard the raccoon creeping above us on the attic floor and we have heard it crawling about inside the closet. The raccoon is much too intelligent to be trapped. It is able to enter the cage, eat the donuts that activate the trap door, but still manage to use its paws to open the trap door and escape! After discussing the inadequacy of the trap with my roommate yesterday evening, we decided the only way the raccoon was to be caught was by trapping it somewhere in the house, and barricading the closet door so that it would not have an escape route back into the attic. Gather round now, for my story is set to begin...
It was a night like any other. The moon shined bright through the branches. A mild gust sounded through––okay, maybe not too much detail. Resume story. Around 1:00am, just as I lay myself to bed, I heard the raccoon enter the closet and I decided this would be the night I would catch our furry fourth roommate. I removed the air conditioner from the door. This scared the raccoon back into the attic so I was now ready to prepare my snare. I formed a trail of breadcrumbs from the closet door to the bathroom located directly across the hall. The idea being that I would hear the raccoon walk across the hallway and hear it shuffle about inside the bathroom. That didn't quite happen. At one point, I heard the toilet seat slam down and I thought the raccoon could not have done that because surely I would have heard it crawling around the closet into the bathroom, the sound of its claws click-clacking across the tiled floor. Bear in mind that it was 1:15am and my bedroom borders the bathroom.
First time I lost it–I figured the raccoon's movement must have eluded me so I took a deep breath, and then quickly opened my door so that I could shut the bathroom door. Maybe a raccoon is too fast or I am too slow, but just as I opened my door, I saw it scurry in front of me about two feet. I slammed my door and attempted to regain my composure. It's a little daunting to see forest wildlife run past, and so close to you when you do not expect it. It's also a bit nerve-wracking when you see (and completely underestimate) the size of the raccoon. It was HUGE. It was about 2 1/2 feet long and it was so fat and round, surely a full-grown adult. It ran back into the closet and I surveyed the bathroom. Raccoon paw tracks and breadcrumbs everywhere.
Okay, so that didn't work. Time now to lure it further from the closet door so I can shut it. Otherwise, it's just going to run back in where it's safe. I grabbed some chocolate cake and scattered it near the closet door left open ajar. I then positioned myself in the dark hallway, umbrella in hand as my weapon, so that when it came out to eat the cake, I could guide it into the bathroom and close the door. A few minutes later, the raccoon emerged and began eating the cake. I made a slight movement and it ran back into the closet only to return a few seconds later. It's odd...with every movement I made, the raccoon would retreat, then emerge less and less until it got to the point that I could make any movement I wanted and the raccoon didn't care. The raccoon also didn't care for the cake and started to walk towards me! I pointed the umbrella's tip near its face, but this didn't startle it.
Second time I lost it–At one point, the raccoon lunged toward the umbrella with its paws wide open and came to hug the umbrella right out of my hand. I thought the raccoon would ignore the umbrella once it analyzed the object close enough, but it did something rather bizarre. It started playing with the umbrella by hugging it and rolling around on the floor. At one point the raccoon's chin was rested on the floor while the rest of its body continued wresting with the umbrella. He was kind of like a cat playing with a toy coated with catnip.
Eventually, the raccoon's fun with the umbrella (which I intend to throw away) quieted down. I became scared, not only because it had made a forceful move toward me, but also because I now had no object with which to fend the critter off if it came after me again. I positioned myself on the banister of the staircase that leads to the second floor so that I found myself on higher ground. Still, the raccoon slowly approached me. Repeated attempts to scare it away only put it at ease to approach me further each time. Soon enough, it got close enough to be able to smell my feet. Quite peculiar, wherever my feet moved, its nose moved with it. So I removed my sock and dangled it in front of its nose. I then threw the sock down the staircase and it chased after it! This was my time to set up the blockade and I shut the closet door and sealed it by sliding the air conditioner in front of it. Success number one!
The sock came to bore the raccoon so it ventured back up the stairs. At the top of the stairs, I startled the raccoon and it ran towards the closet only to find there was no entry. It then ran into the bathroom and I shut the door. Yes! Problem is with that bathroom door, it does not shut all the way. If one shuts the door, the door always becomes ajar. My solution then, was to tie the cord of the air conditioner around the doorknob (the AC was the only workable object within my grasp as I had to continue holding the door shut). I placed the air conditioner at a distance with the cord completely stretched out so the door would not fall open. The raccoon started to go crazy inside banging on the door. Success number 2!?
Thinking I had successfully contained it, I started to clean up all the cake and other objects on the floor and went downstairs into the kitchen to throw everything away. Then I heard the door slam several times. I could tell the door had slammed against the doorframe, and that meant the raccoon had escaped. How?! Was this raccoon possessed by the devil? I couldn't understand how this creature came to be so powerful. I then remembered that the only door open upstairs since I had departed was MY bedroom door.
I grabbed a broom and headed upstairs to find the raccoon rummaging through my wastepaper basket. I felt confident in battling the trashy pillager. I guided the raccoon toward the door with the broom and boy did that upset it! It tried to stand its ground while staring at me and hissing loudly. I kept thinking it could attack me like it attacked the umbrella. I continued using the broom to guide the raccoon and along the way, it left a nice souvenir, a brown steamy turd (picture below). Finally, it made its way into the half bathroom. I closed the door (this door actually shuts) and went upstairs to fetch the air conditioner so I could place it in front of the door. You never can tell with this raccoon. As I walked upstairs, the door of the bathroom (one of those cheap hollow doors) began shaking incredibly violently. The doorknob rattled. Machine gun-like scratching sounded up and down the door. I couldn't believe what was happening. Tip: If you're ever making a movie and want to make it appear that a poltergeist/zombie is trapped in a closet/small bathroom, and the poltergeist/zombie is desperately trying to escape, put a raccoon in the small space and you'll get the desired effect. Anyway, there was no time to go upstairs to retrieve the air conditioner (cord still securely tied around doorknob) so I dashed into the kitchen, unplugged and lifted the microwave with incredible haste and strength, and set it against the door. Success at last!
The raccoon is in there now trying every possible way to get out and it is rather loud. My only concern is that it'll scratch its way through the cheap hollow door. I feel kind of bad for it. Last time I was downstairs, I could hear it panting quite heavily, almost unhealthily. Even though it’s been a menace to us, I must admit it is pretty cute. The picture above is when I chased it out of my room and it began chewing my roommate's tennis shoes. The photo below is where it is at the moment.
Okay, time to go to bed. I've been up all night trying to catch and writing about the raccoon. The story is not over yet. I'll provide an update in a future entry.