Hedonism, Bring it On

Pleasuring oneself is a bit cheaper in Shanghai than it is in the United States. Last Monday, Anne, Brett and I went to the massage parlor (not one with a pink light illuminated outside…) and we received foot massages. They work your feet for an hour, first soaking them in tea water. Then they begin massaging the feet using their palms, knuckles and fingers. Sometimes I winced in pain, or found myself suppressing my ticklish feet because I'm unused to having my sore feet rubbed. In the end, my feet felt so light and free, really like walking on a cloud.

The girls are fun too. Brett and Anne can understand what they say to each other. They often talk about us, then giggle like that one Seinfeld episode, most of the content surrounding our appearance. The girls call me a monkey because I have hairy legs. They do not hesitate to tell Brett he needs to dump Anne and find a Chinese girlfriend. They also think I should find a Chinese girlfriend soon because I am 27 years old.


We throw it back at them too. Pirated DVDs are everywhere here. And I'm not talking about the New York sit in a movie theatre with a camcorder quality DVDs. These are the actual DVDs and they sell for only 7 quai (88 cents) with a pretty large selection. Last week's Da Vinci Code is already everywhere. I bought "The Aristocrats" which is a documentary about an old classic Vaudeville joke that involves the dirtiest, raunchiest foul language imaginable. When it came out in the States, it received an X rating. I took my turn with the joke in front of the massage girls. If they only knew what I was saying… Our foot massage turned into a one hour body massage too. Total cost? 70 quai ($8.80) for two hours of bliss.


Later that night around midnight, I experienced another way the Chinese relax. The bathhouse! I've always imagined bathhouses as seedy places, but I was assured by Brett and his friend Zhang that this place was not of a shady element. Before I tell this story, be aware that this is very common in China.


When I entered, it looked like a hotel lobby. An overstaffed crew of at least ten people were on hand to prepare us for the experience. Actually, there were so many people working so late that night. I imagine there were more workers than guests in the place, and they do this because labor is so cheap here. So the crew removed our shoes and we were led to the locker room where we got naked. Then we proceeded to the bath area which is basically a huge indoor pool, but not in a YMCA pool kind of way, but wading pool with low ceilings, dimmed lights kind of way . I opted to sit in the whirlpool. Something about a milk bath just seemed unsettling. After I sat in the whirlpool, I was asked if I wanted a massage. Sure, why not? So I was still naked and I lied on my back while a 24 year old Chinese guy started drizzling my body with massage oil. It was being rubbed all over. Not in America I was thinking, or at least, not anywhere in America that would pass a health official's inspection! He then threw some salts on my body and began massaging me while exfoliating my skin. My skin felt so creamy and smooth afterward. After my massage (still naked) we went to a drying off place where two attendants patted me dry from head to toe, then dressed me in standard bathhouse garb, cotton shorts, a pajama top, and slippers. I played ping pong with Zhang in the game room. We later sampled the buffet, which because it was so late, had closed down for the most part. We entered a dimly lit hall full of about 150 to 200 chaise couches that doubled as beds. Each one had a TV attached to it. The people in there were sleeping, getting massages, lounging, reading. For many, the bathhouse works as a hotel room. In fact it's much cheaper than a hotel at a 39 quai ($5.00) entrance fee. The relaxation room was odd to me because it was almost like one giant slumber party. After the bathhouse, we went home, bought some beers and walked around the neighborhood drinking and talking. No open container laws here.


And that was my day of pleasure.